Updates,

Just had microprocessor and ComElectronic PhaseTest1 and before that the much confusing and frustrating EEP PT1 was done as well... n soon the much anticipated ComSystem Test is coming... sigh* the life of ITB...constant pressure indeed!

Anyways... whatsap with me... nothing much except that i have a new cute adorable tiny kitty named Yuri san hehe... she's a Domestic Long Hair actually we got her for Koji's playmate but since she's only 1mnths old we tot better to wait till she's big enuf to be playing wif koji for safety reasons...

There was a motivational talk yesterday at school given by a very experience MOE officer... and it was very inspiring... it got me thinking about what i've been doing... the questions i kept on asking myself and ppl owes said i think too much about it... 

Where will i go after this? that is the question i kept on asking myself all the time... what then after ITB? where will i go, what will i do?

N that was exactly what the motivator suggested us to ponder on... n he said those who actually took the time to ask themselves those questions are infact intelligent people... becoz we want to be certain of what we want in life n get things in line... so we can prepare ourselves better... there's a goal and we can be focus towards our goals...

N i cudn't agree more... i've been living most of my life without any direction... although alhamdulillah i am slowly back on track but only to get side-track again afterwards... so how did that happened?

Indeed it is from not knowing what i wanted at the first place... when before i am confident with what i want but somehow it was just not my time yet... so here i am about to finish the crossline on the marathon with thousands others and wondering where am i heading next once i get to the finishline...

I need to be more open-minded, and goal oriented, be more optimistic and learn more... 

A good thing also is, Yuri seems to calm me down with her silly charms and she also wakes me up every morning... hehe....

So far that's that... will update again soon :)

 

Yet another month passes by swoooshly... n so many things unfold but so little told... well here goes my updates...

I just got thru two semester tests few days ago and honestly i am constantly fighting with my mind to just accept that i did what i could to score good marks... hey i studied ok! but then somehow i can't ease off this back-chills i get everytime i think about the testpapers... it was so unexpected... of cors!

Been missing lotsa Exeez which i'll compensate soon after the examweek's over... insyaallah!

Anyways so far that's daily life's turbulence, hows life's dilemmas?

Well, still having those frequent anxieties, still going thru puberty with the zitty-zits popping here and there and still learning to live life in the vast silenthill where the music only tunes in to the FM's lowest frequency and the usual TV lockdown i just love to miss... gawd please!

Relationships' drama are lessen n more understanding was seen to have developed in between the silly arguments we couples can't live without but i guess it's only because it's natural and it's essential for growth... ryt?! * blinkin*winkin*noddin :p

Also my effort to learn to stop n quit whining... seriously mastering this self control ain't easy...

Ok... on to the serious stuff...

I was recently engaged to a quite deep conversation regarding religion which at first started from a simple question asked by my new young-fellow-student-friend who are religiously devoted.. alhamdullilah!

The question asked was,

"What do you think about those people who were born with abnormalities or people who are born sick and just unfortunate?" 

so i casually asked "what about them?"

He said "Well don't you ever wonder why god created them as such?"

The conversation was perhaps effected by the slideshows we were presented during ugama class which was in session that time... the slideshow was about 'Sifat-sifat Allah SWT'

So i wondered and replied "What is there to wonder, god creates as god wishes, jika Allah berkehendak maka ia menghendakinya, therefore why do we need to ask WHY?"

I believe that all things happens for good reason may it be from a bad beginning or even when it leads to a bad one... because the good and bad are in fact inseparable from each other.. so i think when we judge a person to be unfortunate perhaps God created em different so that they can become unique and special amongst the rest...

"Boleh jadi kamu mencintai sesuatu padahal itu amat buruk bagimu, dan boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu, padahal itu amat baik bagimu. Kamu tidak mengetahui sedangkan Allah Maha Mengetahui"

The conversation goes more deeper afterwards but i won't blog about it as i think it maybe too sensitive to be elaborated as it was during my recent conversation, because after that he got pretty troubled (i wasn't sure whether it was because of something i said!).

He later felt the need to express his concern to our Ustazah and eventually took most of our time waiting outside the Ustazah's staffroom for our turn to take the recitation of 'Doa Selamat' test some of us had been pending to do. He was emotionally shaken by the idea and i felt kinda guilty thinking that it mite be effected by my response to him earlier... hmm... i guess my expression was too obviously killing for him... :[

Overall my opinion is... it is a very noble thing to approach people and share your thoughts with them, but when it is a sensitive issues that regards their flaws and behaviors i think it is never an easy thing to do...

You can't just simply point out that what others are doing are wrong from your point of view, because seriously WHO ARE you to JUDGE? What makes u think that u are better than the rest just because u believe so?

Indeed we witness people's indiscretion and their selfish  act that may not make sense to us, why they do what they do when we know that it is wrong to do so.... it may also make us uncomfortable and it bothers us... so his concern was 'What can he do about it?'

We can gently and kindly express our concerns to those in question but that is all we can do not until the person decided that they actually give a damn about OUR concern or not. Orelse we'd be wasting our time bothering about them aren't we not?

Therefore for me, if you think it is highly necessary to advise someone because you think you are ryt and they are wrong then go ahead SPEAK your mind off! but if i think it's one of those 'pointless endeavors' i mite just sit back and let them trip and learn their own lesson rather than being the wise one they'd ol hate coz 'i told u so!'

So the moral of the story is... we may think we are responsible for the worlds' increasing problems and dilemma and feel that the burden is too heavy to lift and let this idea weigh us down to the ground but perhaps there's a reason why we need to always remember that,

'There is a GOD watching over us, there is a GOD that wants, there is a GOD that holds the universe and guides its wisdoms and problems, when we are just part of all that and seem so small in comparison, therefore why do we feel the need to be burden by it?..... it is not our concern to ask the questions and JUDGE others because we are all equally imperfect in nature... so all we can do for now in LIFE is just learn to live in perfect harmony, take care of YOURSELF and help others that WANTS to be helped and let the ones who are helpless be GODs play.... we are dealt as we deserve it may it be good or bad!'

Insyaallah smoga kita sentiasa beringat-ingat dan saling mengingat-ingati~ amin

Been having severe fatigue lately.. Its my holiday n i have been spending my morning in dreamland somehow i just feel lyk lazing tiresome!

I've also been checking out d aerobic scenes at srusop n qlap for d past 2days.. Two different fitness studios but d same aero genre.. House dangdut which dsn't rely flow well wif me but it did get me sweating buckets n dats d whole point!

It wasnt any surprise dat i quickly became close wif d qlap instructor last nyt, she was an indonesian gal who was sweet n tough. She shared 'curhat' wif me n it felt nice to be having a deep long conversation for a change :)

What i was scouting for is a zumba aerobics around d district n only found 1 studio dat really offers certified classes. I thought of checking in out but still need more encouragement, somehow i'm kinda intimidated still by d whole idea hahaa.. Funny how i needed to boost my self esteem by joining aerobic classes but first i needed to boost my self-esteem to join d classes hahaha... Talk about having low self-esteem below avrg.. Mg gawd!

So i tink i'll need to get myself some gud ol smacking to get my ass to zumba soon orelse i'll jst hf2 endure n enjoy more of d house dangdut rhythm for d tym being hehehe...

Also been forcing myself to play a game of revise EEP which only got me focus for few mins n then i need to take several breaks b4 i can start again... Gawd! Its a challenge!!

Its exam week once skul reopens nxt week, hence d need of revising more than letting myself succumb to d annoying fatigue feeling n d boredom of calculating current n voltages across impedences in series or sometimes in parallel... Sigh* well if u want to get to d top u'll hf2 struggle n work hard n push urself to d limit coz no matter how hard it is, d top is within reach n u can only carry urself ther on ur own!!

Ayt back to kirchoffs law ;)

Its ironic how i like so many things but i end up with ol d wrong things.. No matter how persuaded or assured i'd still get d wrong ones just bcoz it looked interesting from a perspective... So yes i chose 'broken' instead.. Bought it... N now i hf2 live with it!!!!

Thers no1 else to blame other than myself.. M i happy? No!! But m content with wat i chose.. I jst gotta sux it up n held my head high... It's horrible! I feel so much suffering.. Bearable but it hurts all d tym...

Yes perhaps we ol can just laugh at it now.. Ironically how wat i did changed d course of others lives.. Wher they found themselves lucky to hf found their significance instead n mnaged to sing songs of joy together n karma hits me bad in return..

I miss u.. I miss u.. Ur my gravity.. Never in a day i go without thinkin of u.. I know it ur doin fine.. I know ur doin great in fact.. I applaud u for ur courage n strength.. I hf no doubt dat u'll shine n do grand... But know dat i miss u.. I miss u so much.. My regrets was not able to hold on to u.. Coz i was ryt bfore n she was ryt too.... I'll nver find any1 else who cud replace u~

Yes its almost the end of the month... hows it going so far yen?

Well first thing on my mind is school... its been hectic... its been on the go... its been a series of headache...

Ain't complaining... its just as usual... i expect to much of myself... which is owes a good thing... when u aim higher then when u fall.. it won't be too far down under... but when u have too high hopes u myt also drop down dead hard... ouch!

So far tryna cope up.. catch up n just get up everyday with a smile... sigh!

A good thing is my group is a collection of awesome bunch...

a few days ago i was troubled with a slight thought of being unlike... as usual i tend to draw this kind of bunch... girl haters... hahaha... somehow i get this vibe that some of them are not really fond of me... for some reason... unknown to me... how do i know? They prefer to engage on conversation with others but with me they are reluctant... hmm... am i really that repulsive? or perhaps the most true reality of it... we just can't connect and don't relate to anything... biasalah kan... m just different!

At some point it does get to me... i do feel left out... i do feel unwanted... and most of all i felt such an outcast... but yae.. i just needed to keep my cool and get myself together... its ok n its oryt... i don't them to like me.... others seem to be ok with my presence... there are just unavoidable acquaintances...

Other than that... the usual relationship dilemma that never fails to get me down under.. lowww.... i don't even wanna bother explaining abt it... its the usual theng... the usual heartaching rift.. the usual misunderstanding that never seems to get resolved... sudah lah biarkan saja... the only thing to do is just ignore and move on... keep on pretending like its ok... coz eventually we'll just be fine with that fact... s'ol gud!

It's almost raya again... the usual mix of emotions... mostly unpleasant one... oww... how i dread this... i hope it goes by swiftly as before... just let it go by me unnoticed... so it won't really be that bad!

I know most won't understand why.. because they don't really know how its like... but its just sad for me coz.. i miss my family.. i miss the part when we were always together... when we would all get together and celebrate this joyous festive month... where we would be glad that the moon has been sighted... and knowing its going to be Raya soon... i miss it... i miss it so much.... knowing that... i can't even call this home anymore coz we haven't been seen preparing the house for visitors... we are not seen cleaning up our front pavement nor be heard giggling and getting busy in the kitchen baking or cooking... its been years... n its been quiet... we ol just went by it... we went pass it... we just don't want to be reminded...

the funny thing is.. no matter where i go.. i can't escape from this terrible loneliness... i owes feel so alone... because.. i haven't found my sanctuary yet... i haven't found my soulmate yet... i haven't found my star back yet....

i hope it'll be soon... just out there whenever i look up.. its there... shining down on me... insyaallah! i wish i hope :)